Hey everyone today I left a group for a queer, left FLINTA* focused house in the heart of the city. A match for me as a trans women in heaven. So why did I leave? It has multiple reasons

1. unresolved conflicts or conflicts where I took major mental hits while the other person carries on without much of a change in behavior
2. Wasteful spending of money
3. Not valuing my contribution to the community and my time working on improving stuff
4. Doing left debates instead of really reforming the club
5. Calling on and on about not having enough capacity but making it inaccessible to enter and participate
6. working slower than the government at things
7. The negative and mental load heavy outweigh the positives

Positives Hopes

But let's start with the positives when I stared hearing of this space/club from a close friend I was in awe because using a space freely for art stuff is inaccessible in a city like mine and this space would like to have 30 bucks if possible for an entire day of doing stuff there

1. novel: it's new everything: people, rooms
2. Possibilities: it an old space but not well maintained and having written down that they want to be more
3. Money the club has four tenants living in its building giving enough money to have the space somewhat mentainned
4. it is focused on the arts (especially print making which is not quite my cup of tea but still really cool) but they also got a ceramics oven from back then
5. It has one room for Events and one for printmaking
6. The promise of a creative community which we realized in a market which we hosted and had 20 artist sell their very cool art

But besides the hope of using a cool space the problems arise in the community. Someone there wants to talk about what police means for the club in a climate where right wing is steadly rising. Insted of focussing on reforming the club it is sad that the importent question seems to be "is someone who works at X allowed to enter our space in their free time to broden their horizion"

As it is common in left communities nobody has the time or ressources to host regular meeting (which are essential for everyone to feel part of a club and also logistical what to do next planning). It is also critical to share the work with as many well meaning new people you can recruit. They don't have any page on their old fashioned website on how to join them.

I am someone who has time and energy to quickly build things that can be mantained.

I learned to build an easy to use and and for less tech savvy people to fill out calendar in combination with a cheap website builder (I mean 20 monetary credit insted of 260 what they are currently paying). But they decided against it. And thats because this club has no clue and does not want to give people the tools to remodel itself.

Fuck them!

So what did we learn?

1. try but also after a certain time or fuck off meter filled go somewhere else. Use your power to shape and not to work against a giant system.
2. Have fun if you would have actually looked into you you would have noticed, that this club is no fun.
3. if you dont like a person than its okay to never talk to them. Dont try to be nice just say "no"

I am still bitter that I could not change the club for the better. It is a "cool" space just the humans operating it are not nice. I feel deeply hurt. I hope the future will be kinder to my spirit.